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My early message to grads

Posted at 4:13 PM, Apr 13, 2013
and last updated 2013-04-13 16:20:52-04

I’m offering my services as commencement speaker for the upcoming graduation season. I’m putting the word out now so that you can bid for my services.

I must tell you that as speakers go, I’m pretty good at giving the straight scoop on the poop, the real poop and nothing but the poop.

My message is simple and if you’d so indulge me, I’d like to provide this sampling of what graduates will have to look forward to should you be lucky enough to have me grace your proceedings.