WATCH IT: Comprehensive explanation of the Petraeus sex scandal in 60 seconds

Posted: 3:18 PM, Nov 19, 2012
Updated: 2012-11-19 15:25:24-05

From Lewinsky-gate to Anthony Weiner’s Epic Twitter fail , we’ve certainly have had our fair share of political scandals over the past few years.

And now, just when you thought America couldn’t out-do itself …  introducing: David Petraeus Sexcapade 2012, which some say truly takes the cake when it comes down to a convoluted plot even more confusing that LOST .

Gen. David “Mac Daddy” Petraeus

So without further ado, let’s break it down, shall we:

Meet CIA Director David Petraeus, the man who knows the nation’s biggest secrets. On his way up the military ladder he meets Paula Broadwell, a writer who becomes so enthralled with the General she’s like all “You’re so interesting, I totes wanna write a book about you.”

So she does.

Over the course of a year, the pair – who are both married – develop a relationship that raises eyebrows among Petraeus’ staff.

When Petraeus takes over as head of the U.S. Central Command at MacDill Air Force in Tampa, he meets Jill Kelley, a socialite who locals dub Tampa’s Kim Kardashian.

Paula “Cyber Stalker” Broadwell

At some point, Kelly begins to receive threatening emails, accusing her of getting “too close” with Petraeus… Basically: A ‘I have my eye on you, so knock it off’ warning.

The socialite tells her FBI agent buddy  – ID’d as Frederick Humphries – about the emails because she feels threatened.

THAT spawns off an investigation , which ultimately uncovers several BOMBSHELLS:

1 – “Cyber stalker” Paula Broadwell is behind the harassment.

2 – 10,000 pages of email exchanges described as “sexual” and “inappropriate” between the whistle blower and General John Allen, a top commander in Afghanistan, arise out of nowhere.

Jill “Military Groupie” Kelley

3 – That FBI agent, Frederick Humphries, well investigators find a shirtless photo he sent Jill Kelley during their communication. He also gets blackballed after becoming “obsessed” with the case.

4 – And finally… the biggest revelation:  the affair between Petraeus and Broadwell

And now EVERYONE is under investigation. Who needs daytime soaps when there is CNN. You’re welcome. America.